The truth about Harkon's demise
by Dany le fou
Summary: Sure there was a climactic battle, but in truth, Harkon didn't meet his end the way you'd think. Short humor one-shot.


**Author Note : I've recently been cooperating with Serendipitous House Pet, who took on my Claymore/Skyrim challenge. Mostly proof-reading, sharing ideas, and occasionally writing a scene that could happen, or have happened, to motivate him. Then I watched the Rampage movie, and I could imagine something like this happening, since I really dislike Harkon, so I decided to share it with everyone.**

 **Disclaimer : I don't own Skyrim.**

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Serana had lost track of time as the fight had gone on, and to her shame, become too fascinated with it to do anyhting but watch. Even Auriel's bow in her hand and the quiver of Sunhallowed arrows on her back had lost their meaning in front of the slug fest between her friend and her father. Harkon's Vampire Lord form had been nigh-unstoppable at first, until the Dragonborn had summoned an ethereal dragon-like armor that was proving to trump even Molag Bal's gift.

This was shown by the many Harkon-shaped dents in the walls of Castle Volkihar's shrine, and a perfect imprint of Harkon's demonic face in the floor, clear enough that you could see the outraged snarl he had been wearing.

From that moment, weapons, spells and Shouts seemed to be forgotten in favor of a plain old brawl. Maybe it was a man's thing.

Isran had popped his head through the door, seen the ongoing carnage, and wisely decided to take care of the remaining lesser vampires instead. The guy could be smart once in a while, Serana mused.

She then rolled her eyes as her father tried to headbutt her friend, regardless of the fact his opponent was wearing an enchanted mystical mask that was as solid as any helmet, and ended up hurting himself instead. Definitely a man's thing.

*Crack!*

The Dragonborn used the opportunity to sock Harkon straight in the mouth. The vampire was sent crashing across the room and into the opposite wall, again. He spat something on the ground, which she recognized as a fang. Followed by another. Then a third one.

"You dare…" Harkon hissed, showing he was now missing three canine teeth, and lunged, feral madness and injured pride visible in his eyes. "RHAAAAA!"

And then she hears the last thing she ever expected.

" _ **Dur Neh Viir!"**_ her friend called.

Purple flames from Oblivion filled the space between the two opponents as the undead dragon was summoned, already opening its mouth to thank its benefactor. As if in slow motion, Serana saw her father on a perfect trajectory for the wide open gullet filled with sharp teeth, and the near-comical look of wide-eyed horror that spread on his monstrous face in realization.

The next second, Durnehviir had an equally comical expression that clearly said 'what just flew into my mouth?' before clamping down on reflex. The vampire lord's legs, the only parts of him that were not in Durnehviir's mouth, kicked the air fruitlessly, until the dragon's teeth did their job and bit through. The legs fell lifelessly on the floor, and Serana watched with morbid fascination as Durnehviir chewed and swallowed noisily.

Somehow, her father had jumped head first into a dragon's mouth.

An undead dragon had _eaten_ her father.

The sheer absurdity of it hit her. A silly giggle was heard, her own. The Dragonborn carefully went around his massive ally and worriedly hugged her, rubbing her back soothingly. "Just like that…" she giggled and cried at the same time.

The door of the shrine was flung open. Apparently, now that the sounds of battle had ended, the Dawnguard was coming to see who had won. Isran actually bumped into Durnehviir in his haste. The look on the irascible Redguard as he came face to face with the beast sent her into a laughing fit.

"Wha… What happened… Where is Harkon?" he asked.

The dragon slayer managed to look sheepish, despite still wearing the intimidating mask of Miraak, so Serana answered giddily while pointing at the severed legs. "Part of him's here."

Isran stared for a moment. "Okay… And… what about, you know, the rest?"

"In there." the Dragonborn quipped and pointed at Durnehviir, who belched loudly. " _Krosis_." the dragon apologized.

Isran could only stare in disbelief at the beast, then at the Dragonborn and the vampire who both exploded in laughter.


End file.
